If Ian Miller Had Been Gluten-Free

Toula: Aunt Voula, Ian is a celiac. He doesn't eat wheat.
Aunt Voula: He don't eat no wheat? What do you mean he don't eat no wheat?! 
(entire room goes silent in shock)
Aunt Voula: Oh, that's ok. I make spelt. 

Like Meow? (A Non-Gluten-Free Moment)

I was a little late to the computer and internet parties. Sure, I recall learning about this surprisingly un-furry thing called a "mouse" late in grade school, but then there's a gap of about 5 years between that and my next memory of touching a keyboard. What? Oh, high school? Being a terrible typist in general, I hand-wrote papers until the bitter end of it, even though I went to a math and science school, which was heavy on the tech geekery. My grandparents had an old electric typewriter that I fought with; it won. I bribed friends who were good at the QWERTY to type things for me whenever I could. Otherwise, it was paper, pen and bottles of Wite-Out. My first (brief) experience with email involved a primitive DOS form (I think that's what it was called!) with a black screen and a yellow/green blinking cursor. It wasn't exactly a love affair.

I missed the AOL period completely - never IM-ed or "lol"-ed a day in my life. In fact, I didn't engage with email in a meaningful way until the late aughts and resisted Facebook (snarkily, I might add: "I'm in touch with everyone I want to be in touch with and don't want to be found by the others. Meh."). I finally relented in November 2009 and, after eating my words (hello, grade school friends! college roommate! guy I met at a party!), am now a shameless Fb fan.

All of the above is background for how, upon joining the Fb, I was stunned to find how frequently people used "lol" and its kin. I had heard of "lol", understood what it meant, made jokes about it, but... for it to still be in use in 2009 - without a shred of irony? Unthinkable. Depressing as hell. Just WRONG.

This is all background to explain how one in particular, "lmao", really confused the hell out of me. I thought: Is it like "meow"? And if so, why are people making animal noises at each other on Fb? What? Am I supposed to "woof" back?"

Finally, I looked it up and (sigh), yes, lmao at my mistake. 

The End

Sneaky, Sneaky Movie

Day 1 of Singledom, Saturday at 7pm:

Movie Theater Ticket Guy (MTTG): Which movie?
Me: Hmm. Have you seen "A Serious Man" and "The Invention of Lying"?
MTTG: (Nods)
Me: Which would you recommend?
MTTG: Well, "The Invention of Lying" will make you laugh, like some ha-ha laughs, but...do you know about the Coen brothers?
Me: I do. I'm in a really bad mood. I need to be cheered up. I'll take one for "The Invention of Lying".
MTTG: Just one?
Me: That's why I'm in a bad mood.

Internet, I got dumped last night - by the man I thought I'd be marrying. "Bad mood" was really a massive understatement. The ha-ha laughs of the movie helped, but only until I realized that "The Invention of Lying" was a *love* story. Sneaky, sneaky movie.

--

Even in matters of love - and love lost - gluten-free-dom was part of the story: En route to the flick, ran into the my former gastroenterologist - who lives 250 miles from here! Dr. R., who confirmed my diagnosis 7 years ago, was visiting NYC with his lovely family. I'm not sure which of us was more surprised. Though, of all the places for random sightings to occur, I know from experience that Union Square is a likely venue.